What do you think is the reason for you not making a change? Is that really it?
I used to blame everything on how I felt about my body and weight, BUT in reality that was not the case.
Yes I lacked body confidence and spent 30 years + on the diet roller coaster and this obviously contributed to my lack of confidence and low self-esteem but other things had too. My eating habits were also indicative of a deeper dissatisfaction and other beliefs I held about myself.
Moving away from the place of obsessing over food and diet etc. definitely helped with increasing my confidence and changing where I placed my value but it also highlighted other areas where I lacked confidence.
The areas had all become intertwined and led to me hiding and not wanting to be visible, keeping quiet and being a great support crew but I realised I also had fears around stepping up, using my voice, owning who I am.
What was really going on?
I wasn’t acknowledging what I really wanted from life - I didn’t want to rock the boat. I was doing what was expected of me and not thinking about what my true desires were. I wasn’t miserable but I wasn’t excited about life on the day to day.
So yes, my body hang-ups and diet obsession were a large factor in my wanting to stay hidden, but they also provided me with a good excuse to stay hidden and to stay safe. Ultimately to play small and not live to my full potential.
I was hiding behind my body issues as a way to avoid taking action. I’m not saying they weren't real and not there - they were, but they weren’t the only thing holding me back. Once I’d stopped using the phrase “when I’ve lost weight I’ll…….” I had to look at other things. I was guilty of taking the easy route - life’s “fine” but don’t we want more than fine?
Moving Forward
Once I removed these blockages I have been able to move forward - to step out of my comfort zone. I think I’ve spent more time out of my comfort zone than in it over the last couple of years😂 - but that’s where the growth happens.
It’s easy to keep going in the status quo. To just bumble on and keep things as they are. But as Mel Wells says
““Our relationship with food is a mirror of our relationship with life.””
— MEL WELLS, HUNGRY FOR MORE
Once you uncover or discover what you truly want to pursue in life and take action towards doing that life becomes more fulfilling. As a result you are more satisfied and don’t look for that satisfaction elsewhere. It also enables you to see what has been holding you back.
What holds you back is stories you’ve told yourself. Beliefs you hold about who you are, what you should be doing, about your limits. (read more here) You’re held back by the negative and doubting thoughts you can have which stop you taking action and moving out of your comfort zone.
Each time you move out of your comfort zone the next time is easier. The comfort zone increases in size but you become more prepared to feel uncomfortable as you realise the benefits of pushing yourself. Yes it might make you fearful at times but it also unlocks more of the potential of life and therefore of you.
Think of an occasion when you have pushed yourself - to be brave - to do something that gives you butterflies. How did you feel afterwards? A sense of achievement, a feeling of being pleased with yourself? A knowing that it felt good. Each time helps you rewrite your stories, change your beliefs.
What do you want?
What do you want from life? Are you ”fine” but want more than being just “fine”. When things are fine it’s sometimes even a bigger challenge to take the first step. What if it doesn’t turn out? But how would you feel if you felt the same way in a year, 5 years? If you could wave a magic wand what would you want your life to look like?
““Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!” ”
— HUNTER S THOMAS
I love this quote - I know it’s an old one and I would add in a bit of R&R along the way! But what a way to feel about life. It’s true that people tend to regret more what they don’t do, than what they do, so I’m all about saying yes to opportunities that present themselves. I want to experience more. (read more here)
Since qualifying as a life-coach earlier this year I continue to step into that role and love serving my clients to reach their own place of growth. To find their confidence, their voice. To step fully into their life, to own their dreams and realise they’re worthy of them.
Maybe it was being in my 40’s (50 now), maybe it was the fact my “mum role” was changing, maybe it’s because I had more time to think about things but boy, I wanted more than “fine”.