How to Build Confidence in Your 40's, 50's and Beyond.
Your 40’s, 50’s and beyond (midlife) can be a time of great change in a woman’s life. Children growing up, ageing parents, menopause and other changes brought about by the ageing process are just some examples of changes that can occur which can all affect how we view ourselves. In this blog I am going to talk about how to build confidence in your 40’s, 50’s and beyond – just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean we have to hide ourselves away – in fact, I would argue it is our time to be out there, sharing our wisdom, living our lives to the full and embracing the opportunities that come our way. Easy to say maybe!
1. Confidence or acceptance?
Confidence is a feeling that comes when we feel or show certainty about something. So, when a client comes to me saying they want to feel more confident really, they are saying they want to feel more certain. And usually what they want to feel more certain about is themselves.
More often than not, we work on their self-acceptance, self-love and as these grow their feeling of confidence increases. They begin to truly believe they are enough as they are, even though there are areas they want to change. For me, therefore one of the fundamental keys to increasing confidence is reaching a place of self-acceptance.
As we reach midlife, our 40’s 50’s and beyond, the life changes that accompany this time can cause us to question – our role, our value, what we are doing. It’s not unusual to look around and feel like you’re not doing what you’re meant to be, life isn’t quite where you thought it would be & physical changes can cause you to not accept our bodies (if you have previously – maybe you haven’t ever truly loved/accepted your physicality).
It can be a surprise one day to wake up and suddenly realise you’ve hit 40 or 50 and it’s “how did that happen!” This surprise and the questions above can cause your self-acceptance, self-love to dip and the self-criticism can kick in instead. This can lead to the oft referred “mid-life crisis”. I in fact prefer to view it as a re-evaluation. It’s good to question and reflect – are you doing what you want to be, are you where you want to be, are there areas you want to make changes, are you excited about your life if you think about it in a year, 5 years, more?
2. Work on your self-acceptance.
As you accept yourself, my clients, and I, have found that you are more confident with saying yes to opportunities that may come along. The fear of things going wrong, maybe looking a bit silly, become secondary to the desire to live a full life in which you are a full participant. To live a life that you create, and a life in which you are prepared to have a go. An old favourite quote of mine sums it up
“Confidence is not a requirement to do anything, it is the by-product of doing the thing.”
— UNKNOWN
You don’t feel confident in doing anything, until you have done it for the first time. The next time you may improve your performance and so on and in time you will feel confident to do the thing without hesitation, or not much.
For example – I used to hate talking on video, so I just didn’t do it. But I knew that to hold the workshops, work with clients etc I was going to have to do it. I started off voicing over a video, just one sentence and built from there. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever get nervous if holding a workshop etc. but I am confident I can do it, because I have.
Acceptance acknowledges that things don’t have to be perfect – and if they’re not perfect that has no impact on your worth as a person. It doesn’t make you a failure, it doesn’t make you bad – it makes you human and contributes to your growth.
To build confidence in your 40’s and 50’s build your self-acceptance – self-love being the ultimate aim.
3. Change the way you talk to yourself
How do you talk to yourself? This is so key in building your self-acceptance. Do you berate yourself if things go wrong, do you berate yourself if you put on weight, do you berate yourself for not having a go? Do you feed in doubts about whether you can do something, about whether you should have a go? Do you go down the “what if” rabbit hole? If you do, don’t berate yourself for it! All very common.
This is something else I regularly work with clients on – self-talk. So often, you will say things to yourself that you would never say to anyone else, would never say to your children but say them to you without thinking. One tool to change how you talk to yourself is to say it out loud – the impact of the words is much greater when you physically hear them – even better say them looking in the mirror. Then imagine if you heard someone saying that to one of your kids, or to someone you love. When I did this, I was shocked at how I spoke to myself and the things I said. Sooooo mean! Try it.
In a nutshell;
4. Celebrate YOU!
One major way to feel more confident in your 40s and 50s is to celebrate you – your achievements, your wins, your accomplishments. By the time you reach midlife there will be far more than you realise. I’m not just talking about the socially recognised achievements but think outside the box.
For example - raising children, creating a welcoming home, being a support to others, learning a new skill, taking on a new physical challenge, as well as the usual educational and work achievements.
The thing is to celebrate you every day – there’s always something even if it’s that you didn’t burn the toast (watch my Instagram reel if you fancy some entertaining). The more you can focus on what goes well, rather than what might not have gone according to plan, the more your self-belief and confidence that you can do things will increase! You can spend hours, days, even weeks thinking about something negative but when something goes well, we either don’t acknowledge it, tick it off and then move on to the next thing. Acknowledge it and celebrate.
5. Feel more confident in a heartbeat
There are a variety of actions you can take that can help you feel more confident more or less instantly:
Change your posture – stand up tall, shoulders back and you immediately feel differently.
Strike a pose – like Madonna if you want😀, or a superman pose or warrior – any pose that makes you feel strong and powerful. Hold for a minute and feel the power move through you.
Breathe – a common one – but breathe deeply, box breathing, - anything to get more oxygen circulating in your body. When we feel anxious or nervous our breathing gets shallower so by negating that those feelings will diminish.
These are some key ways to build confidence in your 40’s & 50’s. I love seeing clients grow more confident through developing their self-acceptance.
“I feel calmer & at peace. Happier & more content. I am more accepting, grateful & present & my confidence has grown.”
— CHARISSE VAN KAN (CLIENT)
To sum up, work on accepting yourself fully as you are, even while acknoweldging there may be things you want to change. Check in on how you are talking to yourself - is it kind? Celebrate you - the wins - big and small and finally try implementing some of the “heartbeat” tools to change how you feel in an instant.
Find out more about working with me or book your discovery call.
Thank you for reading I’d love it if you’d share with anyone who you feel will find the contents interesting. Thank you, Sarah
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