So why do so many of us struggle with a lack of confidence?

Whether that be confidence with our bodies, Confidence over what other people think of us, how we’re perceived , meeting new people, showing up online. First off it’s not our business what other people think of us – so long as we’re not running around the world being a complete **** we have very little control over it.

You’ve done it – you’ve reached your ideal body weight – yay, congratulations! 🎉 But what happens once that initial euphoria wears off, once the congratulations stop. What, apart from the size of your body and the number on the scale has changed? Do you really feel more fulfilled, more satisfied in your life? Does the fact you are a certain body size change your value to the people who really matter in your life? You’ve put in an amazing effort to reach that number - now what?

Many of our actions or behaviours are formed from habit.  They’re just something we “always do”.  When we’re trying to change a habit or behaviour pattern it’s so easy to self-sabotage. “I always do that” – first off the language we use can reinforce our behaviours or actions.  By saying we always do it, it becomes what we expect ourselves to do and implies an acceptance of what we do.

So why you really don’t want to diet - dieting and restriction don’t work.  At least not in the long term.  For a while most of us seem able to follow a meal plan, cut out certain foods, limit other foods, count macros, count calories – until we can’t anymore and give up.

It may be that in this time of isolation & stay at home you are finding yourself reverting to old habits as regards eating. First off this is fine and not uncommon at times of uncertainty which we are facing at the moment world-wide.

Behind everything we do there is a reason.  A reason why.  But in the bigger scheme of what we do with our lives, goals we set, our success on reaching our goals, the reason why becomes more important. This is because it is what motivates us to keep showing up, to keep persevering and taking action.

So what is self-love? Self-love is when we take care ourselves in totality – our minds, bodies, health and emotions. Why bother? We start embracing and respecting ourselves as individuals, we grow in confidence and self-belief. We rely less on external factors to determine our self-worth and this all serves to improve our relationship with the world and people around us too.

I can’t remember who first introduced me to the idea of gratitude journalling, but it has been a real eye-opener. Just noting at least 3 things every day that I’m grateful for – I usually write them down but sometimes it’s in my head.

The problem with the stories we tell ourselves is that they can be restrictive.  They can have us believe things that aren’t necessarily true.  We always look for the evidence to back up what we believe, to support them rather than evidence that contradicts. 

Did you make any New Years Resolutions this year?  I don’t make them and haven’t for a while now.  Instead, I focus on setting intentions and goals for the year. This will involve a time of reflecting on what I achieved/completed last year and thinking where I want to be by the end of this year.

I’ve been taking part in Mel Wells Academy and one of the tasks we were asked to do was to write a letter to our bodies. I thought I would share mine on here as you may be able to relate to how I used to feel and also to give hope that this can change.

A Letter To My Body

Does self-love mean we cannot want change? Some of what we see on-line can make it seem as if self-love and body acceptance are destinations. They’re not. You don’t suddenly wake up one day and you’ve made it

re there things you’re waiting to do until certain conditions are met? Are you waiting to be happy? I was reading a Chrissy King article talking about how we often say I’ll be happy when, when I lose X pounds, I can wear a size x, I’m smaller etc

The effect of the words we use, on our sub-conscious, can have a significant effect on how we feel about us. I love words, I love reading, I love word-games and recognise how they can be a powerful tool in many situations.

Reaching your goals set isn’t always easy. There are certain questions I ask myself along the way. One question I’ve started to ask myself is “does this support the life I’m trying to create?” Trying to get clearer on actions I take is to ask – does this take me nearer to my goals?

So what is all the fuss around self-love? It seems to be a bit of a catchphrase at the moment. But why?

This week I’m taking part in Mel Wells, Self-Love week. It’s a great way of remembering to take actions just for us. Actions that honour us, that value us.

Cor, you’d think by the time I got to my age I’d be sorted! But I still get myself confused & tied in knots about things. I moved away from dieting and towards intuitive eating which was fine – but then I started to think I wasn’t doing that right either!

As I’ve written before my mantra for 2019 is “say yes, be brave”. It’s all to do with “putting myself out there” – to experience life. This was following on from 2018 when I started to push myself out of my comfort zone in ways I never thought I would.

So if I don’t diet, what do I do? I have stopped dieting and adopted a more intuitive and moderation approach to food. Does this mean I don’t think at all about what I eat? In short, the answer is no.

One of the hardest things about leaving the diet mindset behind was to stop dieting.

It was something I had been doing for so many years: – Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Atkins, calorie counting, You Are What You Eat, eating clean, even Slimfast (YUCK!) not giving a stuff!